Sunday, April 5, 2009
...
time: 0348am
date: 05.04.09
day: sunday
u must be thinking "what the heck is eidah doing blogging at this hour?"
well, simple reason: i can't sleep!!
just bear with me throughout this whole post okay. im just trying to let go of this feeling dat has been haunting me since the past days till now. &im gonna be frank and clear. so here i go...
earlier today, 04.04.09 (saturday), i was freaking pissed and angry with saidi. why? it's because of certain reasons...
- frankly speaking, the only day that i usually meet saidi in a whole week is saturday. let me repeat, saturday. i dont meet him on monday-friday cause i dont want to make him tired and such, knowing that he has to go work and has a long journey to and fro (tamp-sembawang). & i dont usually meet him on sundays because i usually go out with my parents on this very days.
- however, he dont seem to be tired cause i will find out later during the night (weekdays), that he is out with his friends, chilling.
- i dont expect him to tell me where his whereabouts are evrytime, but wat ticked me is the fact that he will texted me late (in a day) and by the time he reaches home, im already dead asleep. & how do i know? its because i will ask him to text me upon reaching home and the time wud be around 12++ am(midnight) and he has to wake up like at 0615am the next morning to get to work (oh wtf right?!)
- & im not blaming his friends for keeping him dat long. seriously. i cant blame his friends when im angry with him.
anyway, today(04.04.09) at bout 2100hr, his friends are meeting at his place before proceeding to esplanade to meet the rest at 2200hr(dont ask me who cause i really dunno)...well, he did told me in advance that he has a plan with them on saturday and asked if i was goona make any plans on saturday as well. but you see, whenever i plan something, it doesnt go the way i least expected it to be and saidi knows about it and adviced me to just go with the flow(wtf lahh?!!)
but when he told me about his plans, i asked him where they are going and he wasnt able to give me a direct answer. he went like "errmm..........somewhere ah.blom tau lagi" what's up witn the long pause?? if you reli don't know then just say u dont, i dont need the long pause there. so anyway, after he said dat, i made my mind that i didnt wanna meet him cause he's going for his drc at cdc in the morning and even though he's gonna meet the rest only at night, i was already planning to study for my exam.so you might have guessed, end of story but no...
he had his drc from 0800-1300 and i was also planning to go cdc to settle a few admin stuff and i told him bout it and he asked if i could wait for him and of course i say okay lah.its just a matter of a few mins mah.. but he ended his drc earlier and he surprised me at the customer service ctr and told me that he's waiting outside. so while waiting, he went to have a drink with his friend and when he came back, i was still waiting for my turn. i was getting impatient myself cause i had been waiting for 45min and my number wasnt called yet. bu i reamin calm and told myself its okay, ive waited longer than this before.
unfortunately, saidi wasnt patient enough. seriously. i didnt force you to wait for me or send me to nlb or whatever. you told me to wait for you but you ended your course earlier and had to wait for me. & dont start saying things like you've got other better things to do than to wait cause i didnt ask you to even accompany me and if you think you had a plan to drop by your club, then you just go ahead. i can walk myself to the bus stop and take the bus myself. isnt that what i had been doing all this years??
& if you dont like waiting, then guess what, neither do i nor other people. back when you were still working at raffles, i didnt even mind going down at night just to "fetch" you from work and accompany you back home. oh and for your record, i had to wait for you, all alone, at raffles.
why are you still not able to understand my response? you know by now that when something isnt right with me, my response will be different yet you take it lightly.
i feel really bad writing bout this and causing you not to have as much fun as you wished when you are out with your friends but please be fair to me.
you met your friends for the past few days on weekdays. i only ask for a day in a week to just spend time with you. am i being selfish now??
i really love you.like really really really love you. but i cant keep closing one eye and hurt myself on the inside and act as if nothing happen on the outside right.
