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im gonna vent some unhappy words here. so kindly bear with me. until i let this out, i know i won't stop thinking bout it. some people knows me better :)

you know, the other day, i made plans with a guy friend to go catch a movie but it was cancelled cause he has plans with the family and i was cool bout it. don't get me wrong, my boyf is aware of this, he knows with whom i was going out with and what we were gonna do. moving on, since the plan was cancelled, i went out to eastpoint with mama for awhile and decided to tell her that i actually had a plan on that day but it was eventually cancelled. so mama asked me who i was going out with. i told her and she asked, "izit a boy or a girl?". i don't see any reason to lie to her so i told her it was a guy. then she asked me again, "going out just the 2 of you?". again i said yes. she then said something that goes like this...

"kan tak manis eidah kluar ngan kwn lelaki 2 org aje..eidah kan dah ade boyfriend. walaupon saidi tau kau kluar ngan sape and dier kenal lelaki tuu, mesti ade sikap cemburu sikit. same mcm eidah jugak, mustahil kalau saidi bilang dier nk kluar ngan kawan perempuan dier and eidah tk jealous kan"

side track abit, at that very moment, i almost wanted to say that saidi has been out with his other girl friends before..like just the 2 of them. but i kept my mouth shut. k continue..

"walaupon saidi tau eidah akan kluar nari, abeh kalau sedare dier ke kawan saidi yang lain nmpk mcmane? org akan pikir yang bukan2..sedangkan eidah cume kluar ngan kawan dan saidi tau eidah nk kluar.. eidah kene pikir, jgn sebab eidah kat singapore boring sbb saidi tkde, eidah bleh kluar ngan kawan lelaki yg lain 2 org aje. mama tak suke tau ok.."

it got me thinking, its true what mama said, it does makes sense. cause seriously, i do have a bit of jealousy whenever saidi is out with his girl friend when its just the 2 of them. but i rather not say it out and just kept quiet bout it. i still remember saidi used to tell me that he doesn't like being controlled around or whatsoever and for whatever he said, i kept it in mind and bear with those unneccesary jealousy.

hey iker,
what your friend said the other day was prolly right. "bile kau dah ade motor, kau tompangkan perempuan lain dulu, baru kau tompangkan matair kau" ok i dunno bout the tompangkan other girls 1st but the sound of having another girl sitting behind you just freaks me out. i know they are just your friends but i still do get jealous. i mean, you can ask any girls around, those in a serious relationship, they'll prolly feel the same as i do. i don't mean to post this thing up in here but i just couldn't bring myself to saying this infront of you. especially when you're back for only a week and you wanna spend quality time with your friends and family.

im sorry if im not the same girl you knew 2-3 years ago. i tried my best to control my emotions but i just couldn't handle it any longer. i really hope you understand what i feel. &i would really appreciate if you don't compare me with your other guy friends' girlfriends cause different people has different opinion on such things.

im so sorry. i just love you too much!

im not paranoid right?

today is my official last working day at starpak management consultants. it has been a great experience working there as a tax assistant. i have great colleagues, awesome bosses and my own private area of zen. when you're in the company, you will feel just like family and there's no doubt about it. we work hard and we play hard.
i had a heart to heart talk with my manager in the morning, she talked bout the issues that i talked to her about, mainly the reason why i decided to resign. it wasn't easy making the decision to really resign, but my supervisor said " some day, everyone will have to leave"..then i thought hey, he's right. it's just like life and death. anyway, on a serious note, i would like to thank my manager, yvonne for those encouraging words and advices. you really make me a happy person just now. you made me feel that there's more to life than just money. you made me feel superior of myself.
as for my supervisor, joshua. you have been the dopest supervisor ever! you have been very supportive of what i plan to do and you never fail to entertain me and stuff like that. im gonna miss being called 'elephant' or 'gajah' at work. i know sometimes i fail you as an assistant. but i must say, the experience i had while working directly under you has been a pleasant ride through my 1st full-time career.
&to all my other homies at work, you have been great and im gonna miss you guys so much!!

on a lighter note, are you guys aware that iker has been away for 4 months now :(
do you have any idea how saddening that is??
truth is iker, i never fail to think of you every single night.
gosh i miss you i miss you i miss you!!

EIDAH
IM A DREAMER
I LOVE IKER.

THE REST IS HISTORY.